Golden Rule

I have been thinking of this lately.   I understand the concept.  As a Muslim, we live by this rule.  A Muslim desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.   But here is my quandary…

I am finding it hard to find the words to properly express my question.   

An example might be an interaction between my SOMH and myself.   I am a cheerful morning person.   He is not.  I chat with him before school and get no reply.   If I were to apply the golden rule, do I continue to chit-chat with him or respect his wish to be left alone.  Treat others as YOU want to be treated.   I want conversation.   He is doing the same…he wants silence.  Both of us walk away frustrated if we both continue doing unto others as we want done to us.  See my confusion?

It can be exhausting when you do not get the return you are working for.   Who does the Golden Rule benefit?  Is it in place for our own peace of mind or is it supposed to be for the benefit of our interactions with others?  If for our own peace of mind, I presume I am not the only one whose heart hurts a little when treatment you get in return is not what you feel you are giving.   And if it is in place for the benefit of others, why are people so surprised when they get snappish response when it is how they speak to you?

P.S.  I’m only using the interaction between my SOMH and myself as an example…but that is not what prompted this.  

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The weight

…it’s bearing down.  It’s too much.  I don’t think I can do it.

My legs are weak.  My resolve is slipping.  The darkness is coming.

I know it will pass.  I know things will get better, but I’m there.  In that place where the air hurts.  Where sounds are overwhelming.   Where a simple “how was your day” sends shivers down my spine and tears to the surface.  

That weight…bearing down on me.  I can’t hold it up.   I want to let it crush me and be done with it.  I don’t want to struggle under the weight anymore.

The guilt.  I have a good life, a good family…nothing to feel bad about.  How do I justify not being able to bear the weight when others have so little.

Ugh.  Sabr.   Arabic for patience…endurance…perseverance.  I know things will get better.   I just have to hold on a little longer.